PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Parenting and PTSD

“I didn't really have a chance to experience a childhood.”

Olivia Jefferson

Family Member

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) includes a range of symptoms that can affect parenting. Depending on their age, children may notice changes in your feelings and behavior. Your spouse, partner, or co-parent may feel added stress when your symptoms increase. At the same time, parents who have PTSD can learn to work with their family to connect, engage, and communicate.

How might PTSD affect parenting?

Parenting stress—like feeling time pressure, financial strain, pressure to protect children—is often more common for someone with PTSD. Also, parents who have PTSD may feel less satisfaction from parenting. At the same time, wanting to be a good parent can be a reason to seek treatment.

Research with military families shows that PTSD symptoms in service members was related to more problems co-parenting. For example, when a service member’s PTSD symptoms were high, it was less likely their partner felt they were united in parenting roles. Military families may have added challenges related to deployment. Deployment requires the whole family to adjust; the remaining parent and children can find the cycle of preparing, absence, and return to be hard. Learn more about how deployment stress affects families.

How might a parent’s PTSD affect children?

Just as PTSD symptoms affect other social connections, child-parent relationships may be challenged. As a result, children may sense the distress or emotions of a parent with PTSD in addition to specific PTSD symptoms. The table below reviews the 4 main types of PTSD symptoms along with examples of how they can impact children. The examples are general, and experiences may differ based on age of the child.

Table 1. Examples of how a parent’s PTSD symptoms may affect children

Overall, when a parent has PTSD, it can lead to child distress and behavior changes. Research is also looking at the risk of parents “passing PTSD on” to children (called “intergenerational” trauma). Children may learn behaviors resulting from a parent’s PTSD symptoms. Or children may develop PTSD symptoms in reaction to learning the details of a trauma their parent experienced.

Despite the chance that a parent’s PTSD symptoms will impact a child in negative ways, parents who have PTSD are able to work through challenges. PTSD treatment can bring a family together and children are resilient with support.

What can I share with children about PTSD?

It can be helpful to talk about PTSD with children if they are at an age to understand. You don’t need to share everything at once. Kids likely notice the stress and emotions, so it can be helpful to create time for them to ask questions as well. Here are a few tips:

• Share basic information. Consider what is age-appropriate for your children. Tell them what PTSD is and how it affects you. Avoid scary or graphic details.
• Be clear that they are not to blame. Help your children know that your PTSD is not their fault. Tell them how they can offer support, without feeling like they need to fix things.
• Give them time to share and ask questions. Check that kids understand what you share. Let them know that they can talk with you about what they feel. Consider setting up “check in” time with them.
• Create hope. PTSD treatments work, and it’s important for kids to know that too. Help them believe that things will get better, and that your family can work together.

If it is difficult for your family to talk about PTSD, or to communicate in general, consider seeing a family therapist. Family therapy is a safe place to learn how to share what you are feeling and experiencing. With a family therapist, you can also learn how to support each other. You can also talk with your own mental health care provider about how to best talk to your children.

Resources

• Understanding PTSD: A Guide for Family and Friends (PDF). This free booklet offers information and resources for those who are close to someone with PTSD. There are tips specific to talking with children about PTSD.
• PTSD Family Coach mobile app is free and offers self-care resources to concerned family members and parents.
• Parenting for Veterans. This free, online course reviews information and strategies for military and Veteran parents. There is content specific to parenting with PTSD.

Summary

Being a parent can be wonderful, even with the stress that comes from daily challenges. PTSD can make parenting more difficult. Children may not understand the impact of your PTSD symptoms on your relationship with them. The good news is there are PTSD treatments that work. Your goals as a parent can be a focus of your recovery plan.